15 “Ways of saying” things at work

 

1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: You don’t have a fucking clue, do you?

2. Try Saying: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of: She’s a fucking power-crazy bitch

3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

4. Try Saying: I’m certain that isn’t feasible
Instead Of: Fuck off arsehole

5. Try Saying: Really?
Instead Of: Well fuck me backwards with a telegraph pole

6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with…
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a fuck.

7. Try Saying: I wasn’t involved in the project.
Instead Of: Not my fucking problem.

8. Try Saying: That’s interesting.
Instead Of: What the fuck?

9. Try Saying: I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No fucking chance mate.

10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in
Instead Of: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that yesterday?

11. Try Saying: He’s not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He’s got his head up his fucking arse.

12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: Oi, fuck face.

13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway.

2 Girls 1 …

Dog vs Wife

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog’s parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog?

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

Babies for OBAMA