Condom Factory

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours?

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

Three Feelings

What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

Bikini Leash

Lose your friends

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends “.

Cannibalism at Work

Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a defense company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don’t trouble any of the other employees.” The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?”

The cannibals all shake their heads no.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, “Which of you idiots ate the janitor?”

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Team Leaders, Supervisors and Project Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!”

Don’t Masturbate

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. “My son, you shouldn’t be doing that”, said the priest. “You should be saving that for when you get married.”

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said “Yes, Father.”

About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his early twenties came in.

“Yes, my son?” said the priest.

“Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I’ll never forget the advice you gave then.”

“And what was that, my son?”

“Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married”, said the young man.

“That sounds like something I probably would have said” said the priest. “Did you take my advice?”

“Yes I did, Father; but there’s only one problem.”

“What’s that, my son?”

“Well, I have a 55 gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?”

Boobs & Shark

Social Network at home

Your Wife

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5″7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

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