99 Words for Boobs

99 Words for Boobs

The Difference Between Women With Small Or Large Breasts

Women with big breasts:

• Can get a taxi on the worst days
• Have a neat place to carry spare change
• Have always been the centre of the arts (art)
• Make jogging a spectator sport (a personal favourite of mine)
• Can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
• Have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them)
• Usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
• Can always carry a little extra
• Always float better
• Know where to look first for lost earrings
• Rarely lack for a slow dance partner
• Have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner

Women with small breasts:

• Don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
• Always look younger
• Find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
• Can always see their toes and shoes
• Can sleep on their stomachs
• Have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
• Know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
• Know that everything more than a handful is wasted
• Can come late to a theatre and not disrupt an entire aisle
• Can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out.

15 Chuck Norris Facts

1. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
2. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
3. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
4. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
5. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
6. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
7. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
8. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
9. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
10. Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
11. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
12. Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
13. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
14. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
15. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Questions I have never been able to answer

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.”

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Sexy Tits

Pray

Sucking a Lollipop!

10 Things not to say on your resume

1. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms [sic].
2. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
3. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
4. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
5. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
6. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
7. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
8. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
9. Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
10. References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

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